as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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