You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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