Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
