i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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