the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
