I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
