I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
