doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
