god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
