id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
