i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
