Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize