The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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