STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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