They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
