The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
id be glad to
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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