Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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