The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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