Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
