All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he thought i was a dude.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
