So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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