btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
