Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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