she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
