Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
