I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i believe in u and ur pee
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
