This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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