Pants 0. Shit 1.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
