i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
