Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
