god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
