Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
