just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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