You don't have asthma, your pregnant
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
