Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
