i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
