my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
