too bad you live with your parents still
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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