I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize