What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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