already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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