i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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