I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
