I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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