Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
