Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize