allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
A bitchslap is in order.
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