I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize