All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There's always time for handjobs
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
