I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
