so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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