And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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