no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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