I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize