That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We need to get me chipped asap
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
