so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
