I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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