tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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