he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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