You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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