dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
