just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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