It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
