i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
