I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
