ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Randomize
