Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
