Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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